I just need a place to express my thoughts.

So after how long since my last post? 2 years I guess? well, i guess or i am pretty sure that no one will read this blog anymore since its like left out for more than 2 years already. Which is a good place for me to express my feelings. Since I cant tweet as he will just come and shoot me back whatever I tweets and I really cannot take it. I mean like yes I know whatever I tweet you will see it but can you like pretend you dont know or pretend you didn see it??? its like I want to take a breathe but I cant because everything around me is poisonous once i inhale i would die. sigh.

ok I dont know why i want to say this since no one is reading but i just say for the sake of saying la k? So after near 3 years of being single. I am now attached to a guy (ofcourse) and we have been together for 11 months already... and you (probably none) will be wondering then why after 11th month then want to start blogging about him? firstly is because im lazy and secondly because I always wanted to but I dont have the freaking timeeeeeee to blog unlike last time i can blog yet cope with my shitty relationship and my schoolwork but now no. Poly life is not F.U.N at all fyi the work the assignment the project is like non stop.... especially my course which are popular for endless projects.

Alright, back to that guy I mentioned above. (why m i keep doing this? no one is even reading -.-) So I met him 1 year ago (ya duh~) and he chase me for like i think 1.5 months only then we got together... ya ya ya i know I told myself no more meet awhile then attached OK OK  I KNOW my brain and my heart cannot cope well I also remember I told myself that my next bf MUST at least know each other more than A YEAR then can together. well.... shit always happen.... its not that Im not happy with him or dont love him anymore. .. is just I SOMETIMES SERIOUSLY COULD NOT STAND HIS ATTITUDE THO I KNOW I HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE TOO BUT DONT MESS UP MY LIFE IF YOU THE ONE WHO STARTED IT!!!

So basically this guy, my bf, know about 75% of my previous relationship so I would "expect" him to be more understanding because I am still VERY EMOTIONAL and NEGATIVE THINKING (and i remember I told him alot of time before we together, before I accept him, before he keep on chasing me) and ask him if he still want TO TAKE THE RISK IF I AM LIKE THAT and he say he dont mind so ok. So in this relationship im no longer the old me. I change alot (ofcourse who wouldnt change after being hurt so so so badly) i change to be more mean more carefree more typical kind of gf.... well... he is a good guy i agreed and I admit... as he can endure all my bad temper (tho his temper is worst than me) my complains my flaws and everything that is bad in me.  well same goes to me i can endure everything too.. BUT THERE IS THIS ONE IN A MILLION THING I CANNOT AND NEVER CAN ENDURE NOR ACCEPT IT WHICH IS EMPTY PROMISE. For example 1: Baby, I will come find you later* few hours later* baby I cannot come find you ler because.....example 2: Tomorrow I will come find you na *next day* never mention anything about it and the time just tick tock away... example 3: I will wait you at mrt at xxx stop me:you coming to that xxx stop? him: I at home le leh... example 4: tmr I will come find you me:nvm la i know you wont him:no i will. me:you confirm first? him:yes confirm *next day* something up cannot find.

I HAD ENOUGH DISAPPOINTMENT IN MY LIFE I BEG YOU I PLEASE YOU STOP GIVING ME DISAPPOINTMENT ANYMORE... ESPECIALLY ALWAYS SAY THINGS THAT WONT HAPPEN... I HATE BEING HAPPY AT FIRST AND AT THE END ALL I GET IS NOTHING EXCEPT DISAPPOINTMENT AND SADNESS.... I HATE WAITING HAPPILY AND TURN OUT WAITING FOR NOTHING.... I HATE IT I HATE IT I FKING HATE IT SO MUCH......YOU CAN DO WHATEVER TO ME BUT THE ONLY THINGS I CANT ACCEPT IS THIS....IF YOU CANNOT MAKE IT THEN DONT SAY IT SO EARLY AND MAKE ME EXPECT SOMETHING AND THEN NOTHING...... I TOLD YOU IDK HOW MANY TIMES THAT DONT SAY THINGS YOU CANNOT DO IT AND YOU SAY OK TO ME AND WHAT IS THIS?! JUST ONLY YESTERDAY HAPPEN 2 TIMES AGAIN? FIRST EARLY IN THE MORNING TOLD ME YOU WILL COME FIND ME LATER END UP SOMETHING UP, SECOND SAY WOULD WAIT ME AT MRT AND THEN NO CUZ U EFFING AT HOME ALREADY. OK YOU MIGHT NOT NOTICE THAT BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ME BUT EVENTHO ITS JUST LITTLE THING ITS STILL HURT MY FEELING.... I DONT KNOW YOU WANT ME TO SAYY HOW MANY TIMES THEN YOU CAN UNDERSTAND....YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT JUST DONT MAKE EMPTY PROMISES...OR EMPTY AGREEMENTS....BECAUSE I WILL EXPECT SOMETHING AND EXCITED ABOUT IT EVERY TIME YOU MADE THOSE AGREEMENT/STATEMENTS/PROMISES. HAIH....

EVERYTIME I START ARGUE WITH YOU IS ALL BECAUSE OF THIS... THIS IS JUST THE ONLY REASON WILL MAKE ME FIRE.... THE REST WILL BE JUST MEH TO ME JUST LIKE YESTERDAY~ IF YOU NEVER SAID THOSE THING TO ME IN THE MORNING OR IN THE MRT YESTERDAY FIGHT WONT HAPPEN.... I NEVER TELL YOU BECAUSE IM SO TIRED OF KEEP REPEATING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND FKING OVER AGAIN!!!!!!!

I GOT SO MUCH TO SAY BUT SAYING THIS MAKE ME SO ARGH... i cannot continue anymore... this is my weakness or should i say is my bomb? shall just continue next time... now i really wish you can read this so you can stop saying stuff that wont make it at the end(AND EVEN IF YOU READING PLS PRETEND YOU NEVER READ AND DONT COME AND SHOOT ME )... even though i know sometimes you really want to make it but really something came up then if like that dont say it so early then until you really really really confirm then tell me.... i dont know how many times more disappointment i can handle.. please... i dont want this to be the reason why we fall apart.. i know this is being selfish because i only care about my own feeling.. but well like i said.. i change. is either you accept or reject.