What is love?

Hello! I've been confusing about this question lately.

L.O.V.E

Yes, what is love?
I used to think love is something sweet,caring,loving and so on. But now i dont it like that. For me Now love is something scary, its the best way to have distance with it, it might full of haters,saddness,lies,betray and so on.

People are right, people who get hurt before usually dont believe love again. Before i was hurted i used to think its nonsense because for me they just havent find their mr/mrs right so they dont believe in love. And at that moment i thought that im the luckiest girl in the world as i THOUGHT i found my true love. *dumbass*

Now i totally understand those people who dont believe love and why some had turn into a player-playboy,playgirl and even change to lesbo o.o because they know love hurts, so they turn into a player and hurt others feeling because they want them to know whats the feeling of hurt (i guess?)

To be honestly, i ever think of that before too. 
Because i had cried too much for love, for this boy. 
So i said to myself, i would never cry for a boy again i will only let boy cry for me.(lol)
I had suffered enough in love.
I would never let love hurt me again!
NEVER EVER!!!

So i dont trust love. i even hate love. =X
So after the breaking any guy who confess to me, for me they are all the same!!!
I used to fall to guy easily =X and even a guy who i dont even like confess to me somehow my heart will at leasttttt respond like *is he serious?* (and also will feel happy that there is guy like me lol)
But anyway that was like time.

After that breaking, hahahaha i can feel that my heart is totally dead.
It been nine months plus my heart is like that until this guy show up. mm...

Not being thicked face, but i want to say is nine months is not short either long but there is really few guys who ever confess to me. and i swear to god the time they confess my heart was like ___________ oh okay. lol because what i thought is why they want me is only because of my look(alto im ugly) and not for true heart.
haha.and now it prove it right because those who ever confess to me and i had rejected now all had lost contact already. When confess they was like i will wait you, what shit what shit! Just all the same!!!

Which make me NEVER TRUST LOVE again! but anyway i still hope i can found my true love someday which i pray he will look like jonghyun HAHAHAHA okay -.-

Okay back to the main point.
Why i wrote this post is because i really confusing my feeling right now =S.

My heart had been dead for nine months already but why it suddenly work out again?
What is this?

I was thinking. M i in love?
BUT HELL NO!!! I WILL NEVER LOVE AGAIN! ( i mean at least after this year lol)
My heart feel weird. It beat SO FAST when i think about him -.-
AND FEEL SO happy when he texted me -.-

So i guess im in love?
but in another part of me was telling me that- love is sucks,its just a mistake,you're not in love you're just confused. blablabla!

I AM SO FREAKING CONFUSED!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where i am?
Who i am?
i dont know.

I dont want to be in love. I dont want. DONT WANT!!!

I hope this feeling was just a temporary,or its just a mistake, i hope it will gone soon.

Because i know love hurts </3.


And i got no idea why i wrote all this shit. its like no point at all hahahahaha and is so freaking long
Anyway you can skip it haha and sorry for my poor english and any grammar mistake =)

So i choose to be alone.

I choose to love myself.

I choose to love my friend/sister.

<3