Dumb Ass

I'm scared.

Why m I so useless?

Why m I so stupid?

Why I always make the same mistakes again and again?

Why can't I do well without any careless mistake?

People learn from mistake.
But why I keep repeating the same mistakes?

I feel so stress.
Not that my parent give me pressure, my parent never give me pressure on my studies. They never ask me to get high mark but I know when I get good result they are happy.

I want my parent to be happy.
The only thing I can make them happy is using my result.
I want them to feel proud of me.

I hate bad result I really hate.
I dont want to see my parent disappointed face. Although my dad never scold me even I get bad result.

When he see me still study at late night he will asked me to stop study, he even said that it's okay if I fail. BUT NO!I NEVER WANT TO SEE FAIL MARK IN MY RESULT! It's a BIG NO!

All my dad want from me is got 道德( well behaved?)

He always said that the most important thing to us is not result is our personality whether we are good or bad is the most important thing.

Although he always said that to me but all I know is when I get good result and at that moment I told him I can felt that he was happy.

So actually I dont have to feel so stress since none of my parents give me pressure.
But I am giving myself.

Where got parents in this world want their kids to get bad result?

They just said that result not important but actually it is.
They just want to cheer me up when I'm down because of bad result. I knew it.

Daddy mummy I love you.
I will do my very best to get good result.

I will make you feel proud of me!

I really want to be a filial girl but sometimes at this age in this world there are alot of things can attract me or distract me. E.g shinee

So mummy, I'm sorry that sometimes I make you angry because of not being a good daughter. Didn do what a daughter should do. But I'm improving. It's just need times to learn. I love you mummy <3

And I said that I'm scared. Yes I am. In this kind of result, I don't think any Singapore school will accept me. This is my biggest fear too.

Singapore. A country where many student jump off from building because of stress.

I scare that I got no school to go.no school want me. TT

I been thinking this almost everyday; everynight before I went to sleep.

I might look like I'm a girl who never worried about the result ; who never study(many guy thought that) but actually I worried ! I don't want to feel stress I want to be happy! But because of the repeating mistakes I don't think I can make it anymore.

I need to confess to feel better so sorry for my long craps. hehe anyeong! <3